Jokes

[mirock]

- Gentleman, could you want to warm lady, in that gloomy and chilly evening?
- No problem. Waiter! Two glasses of whiskey.

[mirock]

Talking after safari:
- When I met lion he didn't touch me 'cause thought that I am elephant.
- How so?
- I made the same pile. Even bigger.

[mirock]

Grandmother and grandfather was very liked to play in hide-and-seek.
At morning grandmother was hiding hooch. And if grandfather was finding it, then at evening grandma was hiding in her own person.

[mirock]

In waiting of guests Moysha warns his wife:
- Put on the table festive dinner service but don't put the our silver spoons.
- Do you really think that they can to steal it?
- No, but they can recognize them!

[mirock]

Lady to his new cavalier:
- How pleasant evening. Maybe we'll go to me for drink coffee?
- I don't know. Coffee for night is not so suited...
- Please, I had not coffee already a half year...

[mirock]

If you came back home and there see that fat is clean, children do homework, wife cooks, mother-in-law knits crochet and dog asleep quietly on its place. It means that they broke your computer.

[mirock]

In court. Judge said:
- Tell me, - appeal to victim, - You had not some suspicion, when accused offered to take a walk at the dark alley?
- As had not? Certainly had. But I couldn't imagine that he just grabs my bag and run away.

[mirock]

Wife said to her husband when he came back from work:
- Dear, I was a shopping today and was not enough money. Then I came to your work and took 300 $ in pocket of your coat.
- No problem Honey. I already about two week work in another place.

[mirock]

Dear, did you buy already gift for the 8 of march?
- Of course Honey!
- O! How do you think? I'd like it?
- So, if you not then give it me, I long ago dreamed about such spinning.

[mirock]

Wife to husband:
-Look here, do you see this human on the photo?
- Yes.
- At 6 o'clock you must take him from the kindergarten.

[mirock]

Drunk man came home late.
Wife meet him with rolling-pin in her hand.
He embraces her and say:
- So you still cooking, my wifey.

[mirock]

Met three girlfriend. One said:
- I made blow job to my husband yesterday. So he has such a cold eggs... Strangely.
- I too made blow job my husband and he has cold eggs also. Very curiously.
On next day they meet third's of them who has shiner on eye.
- What's up??? They asked.
- So I began to make blowjob to my husband and say him: "Why all men has a cold eggs but you have a warm?"

[mirock]

Husband came home. Wife met him with poster: "I don't talk with you!"
He shrugged his shoulders and sat to watch TV.
in five minute she appears in front of him with poster: "And do you know why?"

————————————————————————————————————————

丈夫回家。妻迎接呢他。
妻子显示他题词。
“我不想说话跟你”。
他耸耸肩去了看电视默默的。
妻子等了然后显示新题词。
“你知道为什么?”

[mirock]

Newlywed daughter calls to her mother:
- Mom, we had a such horrible scandal today.
- Don't worry. Anybody had it. It happens...
- I know, I know, but what to do with corpse?

[mirock]

Wife speak to his husband:
-Go and water the flowers on the yard.
- But there rain now!
- So what? Take a parasol.

___________________________________

妻对夫说:别坐。去把浇灌花园!
夫说:有雨呢。
妻说:还等什么?取吧雨伞!

[mirock]

- I dream to earn 10 000 $ per week like my father.
- Your father really earns 10 000 $ ?
- No, but he dreams too.

[mirock]

La-Mansh, evening. Very racy english fisher sit on shore. As it should be he had moustache, pipe and bowler hat.
- Suddenly fish bite.
Fisher pulls up, grabs and take a very racy mermaid with big appetizing tits.
- Fisher took her, examined from all sides and throwed her back on the sea.
Vexed mermaid floats up and said:
- Why?
Fisher:
- But how?

[mirock]

Visitor to waiter:
- You are such a stupid that won't be able serve even pig!
- But I try sir.

[mirock]

In gate of paradise near reception of St. Peter two man stand in the queue.
One from them is a priest other is a taxi driver.
When queue came to them St. Peter said to prist who wanted to come first.
- No no Father, taxi driver will be first.
- But why? I am a priest. I prayed all my life.
- Yes, it is true. But when you prayed, people was asleep. But when taxi driver was carrying his passengers they really prayed earnestly.

[mirock]

Talk in gentleman's club in London.
- Gentlemen, Do you know why Sherlock Holmes never was married?
- No.
- That's elementarily!
-Watson???!!!