Jokes

[mirock]

Little boy calls to the 911.
- Allo! It is a rescue? We have a stuck people in the lift! Man and woman. Be quick! Judging by groans, woman is seriously wounded!

[mirock]

In crowded bus woman said to neighbour:
- Mister, why you huddle to me? Do you want something?
- No, I am not.
- So get away of me. Maybe others will want.

[mirock]

Woman's breast it is like toy train.
It like for children, but plays mostly dad.

[mirock]

On vegetable market women in queue choose cucumbers:
First: - Give me those ones, more thick, but short.
Second: - And for me give better more thin but long.
Third: - And me no matter. It for salad.

[mirock]

The bus goes from station. One elderly man was late and runs behind bus with cries to wait him. People in bus ask driver to stop and take him. Driver stops. Man came into the bus, and from road's dust he suddenly sneezed and from unexpectedly farted loudly. Smell spreads in bus. Man in shyness jumps away from bus.
Voice from backseats:
- And we waited him for that?

[mirock]

What is common between girl and chess grandmaster?
They both knew, that less to have figure. Need to know how to move it.

[mirock]

Two old maid sit on bench and look with pursed lips how cock pursues hen. Their faces express utter disgust. Meanwhile hen runs across road and gets under the car.
One of them said with pathos:
- She choosed death!

[mirock]

Two stupid counterfeiters has printed banknotes of 13 dollar rate. They understood that is happened very foolish and debated what to do with that.
Senior said:
- Go to find a fool to exchange on right ones.
Through some time junior came back and with joy cried:
- I exchanged them! Nominal 6 and 7.

[mirock]

How about to meet tomorrow?
- Sorry, I'll go to stag party tomorrow.
- What? There always crowd of whores.
- No no no, it is stag party, There don't take girls.
- Do you think that I am never was on stag party?

[mirock]

Call to the fire station:
- Hullo! This is fire station? Come quickly, we have a fire here!
- How to drive to you?
- What it means how? On the big red vehicle certainly.

[mirock]

What is that a shiner on your eye?
- That's my friend came back from wedding travel tomorrow.
- So what?
- It is I convinced him to get married.

[mirock]

Wife to husband:
- How to understand this? In your phone one new number has written as Frank, but when I called there, tube was took by some woman. And I asked you! How to understand this!
- Very simply, there is such a idiot like you, who took tube for checking, who is it a new number, which called Jack.

[mirock]

One man to another:
- I don't know why woman spend so many money. After all they don't drink, don't play cards and don't contain a women.

[mirock]

She to him:
- Darling, I think we don't understand each other at all.
- What do you mean Honey?

[mirock]

Earlier, I was lonely and all my things was strewn hit and miss on their places.
Now I have a woman and all my things lays accurately and orderly nobody knows where.

[mirock]

Guy with girl in cinema. Guy said:
- Why you so insensible? We sit here already a hour. Though put your head on my shoulder.
- ??? I made blowjob for you five minutes ago!
- For me???

[mirock]

Respect your relatives - don't die on friday.

[mirock]

It is a awkward moment when you run, your tits jumping...
But you are a guy...

[mirock]

Very awkward moment when you mix up pregnant lady with fat lady, especially if that turns that it is a guy...

[mirock]

Black woman came to gynecologist, sits in the chair and moves apart her legs.
Gynecologist looks there some time and exclaims loudly:
- Exellent! Decided!
- Do you decided what, doctor?
- To buy black Porshe Cayenne with red leather salon!