Jokes

[mirock]

On the slippery porch, quantity of bred people sharply decreasing.

Scars are decorating men. Wash your cat everyday and become sex symbol of district.

[mirock]

My husband wanted to get a mistress, but I discourage him. Very expensive, we can't afford it. Better I will take lover, extra penny never be excessive in the household.

[mirock]

In this world haven't perpetual mobile, however exist perpetual brakes.

[mirock]

Teacher said to his pupils to make essay about "What would I'd like to do, if would I have got a million dollars?"
One pupil was writting and counting for a long time and finally asks teacher: "Could you add a hundred fourty one thousand  three hundred fifty eight dollars?"

[mirock]

Teacher of history asks pupils a stern voice:
- Who took Bastille?
Silence in the class.
- Jonny, who took the Bastille?
- I don't know. I didn't take it.
Angry teacher cried loudly:
- Jeffrey, WHO TOOK THE BASTILLE!
- I didn't take it! I don't know! Maybe it is someone from B-class?
Furiously angry teacher cried on the whole school:
- Somebody knows WHO TOOK BASTILLE?!?!
In this moment director of school, alarmed of noise is coming to the classroom and saw the exhausted teacher almost without senses quickly said:
- Children! Who from you took it? Give back immediately!

[mirock]

Johnny came home from school and said to his dad:
- Dad, teacher said that you must come to him tomorrow.
- What did you do?
- I blew my school table on the chemical lesson.
Next day:
- Dad, teacher said that you have to come tomorrow.
- What did you mess things up?
- I blew my classroom on the chemical lesson. Accidentally.
Next day:
- Dad...
- What's up again??? I won't go school more!
- It is right, what to do there on the ruins...?

[mirock]

In the school in Mexico:
- Huan, why you study english so bad?
- But what for?
- What for? Half of the world talk on english!
- And it's not that enough?

[mirock]

Chinese lesson in the english school:
Teacher:
- Jenny, 你会说中文吗?(Do you speak chinese?)
Jenny:
- What?
Teacher:
- Bad, sit down. Jimmy, 你会说中文吗?(Do you speak chinese?)
Jimmy:
- What?
Teacher:
- Bad, sit down. Jonny. 你会说中文吗?(Do you speak chinese?)
Jonny.
- 会。没问题。我会说普通话这么好,如果我想,我可能成为一名老师。
Teacher:
- What!?!?

[mirock]

On the biology lesson teacher asked:
- Children, answer me, how earthworms is reproducing?
- By dividing.
- How exacter?
- By shovel.

[mirock]

Germany school. Teacher asks pupils:
- Where is Africa?
One pupil said:
- I don't know exactly but seems not so far.
- How do you identify this?
- In my father's pub works one black man.
- And?
- He comes by bicycle everyday.

[mirock]

Since I became pay for good grades to my son, he began bring them everyday. What do you think about?
- Seems he shares income with teachers.

[mirock]

Teacher reviles pupil. He answers:
- Maybe soon I grow up and become president. Then you'll regret that you are giving me low grades.
- Don't dream, Putin.

[mirock]

In the questionnaire on the question: "what you will do after school" almost half of all pupils written: "If I'll have luck, then nothing".

[mirock]

On the chemical lesson in the school teacher asks pupils:
- Jimmy, which color of your solution do you have got?
- Ok. Good. 5, sit down please.
- Jenny, which color of solution do you have got?
- Brown.
- Ok, but not so good. 4, sit down.
- Jonny, which color have you got?
- Green.
- ??? Johnny, 2, sit down. Class get down quickly!!!

[mirock]

Man walks across forest and see old woman with rifle.
"Why do you have a rifle?" - Asked he.
"How do I know, maybe you want to rape me".
"God save! How could you think about that? Of course not!"
"But will have to..." said woman recharging rifle.

[mirock]

Someone calls to sex by phone. Woman's hot voice answered:
- Hello, I am ready to perform all your dreams...
- Hi, it is me. When you'll go home, don't forget buy bread.

Cop stopped a car for reason of excessive speed and see inside his former teacher.
- Well, mister Jefferson, - said he. 
- Now take a pencil and write down two hundred times phrase:
"I'll never break the speed limit".

[mirock]

Once, teacher in the school put the task to write essay on theme: "What would I do if I become a president".
Next day all pupils brought it.
All of them was finished by words: "... and after all of that, you'll never find me".

[mirock]

Real success depends from two things: honesty and decency. If you don't have them - success is provided.

[mirock]

Jonny, catch axe!
What does means that your "He.."?
Did you catch it or not?

[mirock]

The teacher asked children:
- Who are your parents?
Jimmy said:
- My father is a traffic policeman, and we have a lot of money.
Jenny said:
- My mother is a prostitute, and we also have a lot of money.
Jonny said:
- My father is a truckdriver, and we would have got a lot of money if would not exist traffic police and prostitutes.