Smile :)

[ibelk]

And we have a lot of such untranslatable things.

Yes, and here's one such thing, for example:

Зоолог, держа за уши зайку, спрашивает у филолога: Ты вот знаешь, как можно определить - заец это или зайчиха?
Филолог отвечает: Очень просто. Поставить на землю и смотреть: если побежал, значит заец, а если побежала - зайчиха.

[Scratch]

"For what? For spelling Mississippi?"

[ibelk]

"For what? For spelling Mississippi?"

This immigrant should be employed by the US army as a cipherer, and the policeman as a decipherer. I'm sure they'll be at least equal to the famous Navajo coders. Possibilities of the English language in the field of ciphering are obviously underestimated.

[IZ]

Зоолог, держа за уши зайку, спрашивает у филолога: Ты вот знаешь, как можно определить - заец это или зайчиха?
Филолог отвечает: Очень просто. Поставить на землю и смотреть: если побежал, значит заец, а если побежала - зайчиха.

Профессор-филолог говорит студентам:
- Придумайте диалог, в котором ответ на вопрос звучал бы одновременно и как согласие и как отказ.
- Профессор, водку пить будете?
- Ах, оставьте!..

[Scratch]

A blonde came into the reception of a large hospital  and told the nurse on duty that she wanted to see an upturn.
"You mean an intern, don't you, Miss?
"Well whatever you call it, and I want a contamination," replied the girl.
"You mean an examination," corrected the nurse.
"Maybe so. I want to go to the fraternity ward."
"Maternity ward," said the nurse with a slight smile.
"Look," insisted the girl, "I don't know much about big words, but I do know that I haven't demonstrated for two months and I think I'm stagnant.

[Scratch]

US sporting goods manufacturers are concerned over reports that the Japanese are on the verge of perfecting a cordeless bungee.

[ibelk]

An English professor wrote on the blackboard: "Woman without her man is nothing", and asked his students to punctuate the phrase correctly.
A boy-student wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."
A girl-student wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."

[English]

The doctor is speaking to one of his patients on the phone. "So, how is
that cold of yours doing? Did you take the hot bath and the medicine I prescribed for you?"
The patient responds, "Well, I'm not doing too good, Doc. I took the hot bath you recommended, but by the time I finished that, I didn't have any room for the medicine."

[Scratch]

Но ведь фраза I took the hot bath you recommended. может восприниматься двояко только иностранцем, плохо знающим язык. Получается подозрительный какой-то иностранец - слово room в данном смысле понимает, а to take a bath нет. Обычно наоборот бывает. Вы когда-нибудь встречали "чайника", который знает второе значение слова room. Я нет.

[Erica Blair]

An English professor wrote on the blackboard ...

That's a good one.
***
Years of Romance
-- Sue Ater
Shortly before our 25th wedding anniversary, my husband sent 25 long-stemmed yellow roses to me at my office. A few days later, I plucked all the petals and dried them. On the night of our anniversary, I spread the petals over the bed and lay on top of them, wearing only a negligee.

As I'd hoped, I got a reaction from my husband.

When he saw me, he shouted, "Are those potato chips?"

[Scratch]

A patient was terribly overweight and his doctor put him on a diet. "I want you to eat normally for two days, then skip a day," the physician said. "Repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you should be down five pounds."
When the man returned, the doctor was delighted with his rapid weight loss. "You look great! Did you do that just by following my instructions?"
The man nodded. "I'll tell you, though, doctor, I thought I was going to drop dead on the third day."
"From hunger, Sir?"
"No. From skipping."

[Scratch]

After successfully defending his client in a lawsuit, the attorney handed him his bill. "You can pay me a thousand now," the lawyer said, "then eight hundred and twelve a month for the next thirty-six months."
"That sounds like buying a car."
The lawyer nodded. "I am."

[SemaRogov]

After successfully defending his client in a lawsuit, the attorney handed him his bill. "You can pay me a thousand now," the lawyer said, "then eight hundred and twelve a month for the next thirty-six months."
"That sounds like buying a car."
The lawyer nodded. "I am."

 
I can't stand when somebody explains jokes, but please explain me this one. 

[Erica Blair]

Here’s one I was sent yesterday:

At the Riga airport at the passport control desk:
— Nationality?
— Russian.
— Occupation?
— No, no!! Just visiting...

(I doubt though they ever ask abt occupation at airports …)

[Scratch]

to SemaRogov:
По какой схеме адвокат предложил расплачиваться с ним?
С чем сравнил клиент такой способ расчёта?
Как воспринял его слова адвокат?

[Milika]

Scratch, я Вас люблю.

[Scratch]

... Это была ирония? как сказал бы Шелдон Купер. Я чуть печеньем не подавился.

[Milika]

Это не ирнония. Не разбивайте мне сердца.

В каких ветках мы сегодня встречались?
Почему я призналась именно в этой?
Можно ли после Ваших постов Вас не полюбить?

[ibelk]

Here’s one I was sent yesterday:
At the Riga airport at the passport control desk:
— Nationality?
— Russian.
— Occupation?
— No, no!! Just visiting...

O, my God! It must have been sent to you From Above!

[Limonica]

Very good jokes^^ Nice)