When do chilldren usually begin...

[Milika]

Hi all!
I have a little bit unusual question. When do children usually begin thinking about death? A 10-year-old boy whom I teach English often asks me such questions as
- whether adult are afraid of death,
- what is over there,
- is it painful to die...
and so on.

As I remember I thought about it when I was a child, but I never was too interested in these questions. What about you? And what do you think about my little student? Is it a kind of anxiety or just curiosity? Or may be it is just normal for the boy of his age... What is the reason of these questions? 

[MDanova]

I started thinking about it when I was... about 6. When our dog died. I don't remember if I asked any questions about it, but I recall my granny explain me the idea of death (from the Christian point of view). Later George Harrison died when I was 11, and I began to think about it again (I've always been a fan). And then once again when I lost my father (I was 14). It somehow made me get into yoga and Buddhism. Moreover, I've been curious about 'what is over there' and 'what people feel when dying' since I was seven or eight. I even wanted to try dying... Sounds weird, but I understood perfectly that if I had died I wouldn't have beed able to realize what would happen around (seems like I have some grammar mistake in this sentence. If I do, please correct it.).

I think your little student has recently had some experience of 'touching' death. Maybe he's lost someone. Maybe he's watched some movie where the hero dies. Maybe he's brought up by his mum who tells his father's dead and now the kid wants to find out where his dad is. God knows.

[marojenka]

i´m afraid, it could be the influence of some religious organisation..
it seems to be very strange that 10-year old person often asks queations of that kind.
"what is over there" doesnt sound like formulated by the child himself..

[MDanova]

What is strange is that the child asks his tutor, not his parents.

[Milika]

Yes, everything is strange. I know his family well and I can't guess why he is thinking about it too much and why he tries to speak with me about it...

"what is over there" doesnt sound like formulated by the child himself..

These are my words. We speak Russian.

[MDanova]

You must talk to his parents if you're sure they'll be kind and understanding. Upbringing of children is what parents do, not tutors.
Does the kid read much?

[Milika]

Well, I don't think it would be good to speak with his parents. I'm afraid of loosing his trust.
Why do you think that it's what only parents must do, not tutors? I'm sure that sometimes parents can do nothing and tutors can do much.
Yea, the boy is "fond of reading". I thought about books as about the source of his thoughts, but the reason of his questions is still just a puzzle for me...

[MDanova]

Well, I suppose the main goal of tutors is to teach a child how to do do something, and developing that child is what parents should. Maybe I'm idealistic, yeah. When a child doesn't get much attention and warmth from his parents, he talks to other people. If his parents aren't very good at psychology, of course, you mustn't tell them. But remember that cooperation between a tutor and parents can be very efficient.
If you're really interested in reasons why he talks about death that much, and you think books have something to do with it, you should try to ask him what books he's read recently and what his impression about them was. You may draw his attention to the way death was described in those stories or novels, and you may guide him to some safe conclusion. Don't tell him you're worried about his little inquiries. Just continue the conversation.